Mcrluver4life's Journals

for the love of geesus. im begging you!!

ok so...i havent been on like AT ALL lately cause i dont have internet yet and im on a library computer so could you PLEASE NOT SEND ME CHAINMAIL. i just checked my mail and i have 223 new messages and probably 200 of them are forwards and crap so please do not send that to me. i dont have a lot of time to be deleting junk so yeah try to only send my things worth reading that are important (story updates, mcr news, and all that jazz)

THANK YOU

!<3! Ashley !<3!

im scared shittless

my parents, divorced since i was 2, are having a civil and normal conversation. =O oh my hot damn. i think its a sign of the apocolypse. i seriously cant remember the last time they talked like friends and not complete enemies.

wow.

stupid.

i hate how you make me feel.

scared because i shouldnt still have feelings for you.

guilty because i think i made a mistake.

jealous because she has you now.

confused because i cant make up my mind.

if its not real than why does it hurt so much? why do i get the feeling i'll throw up my lunch whenever you look at me? why do certain ~~love~~ songs make me think of you? why is it subconscious to think of you? why does my heart feel like its burning? ~~why do i feel like an IDIOT?!~~ ~~auuuuuuuuuuuuu~~ugh~~hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr~~

i just wish you would stop...just... gah being YOU. and i wish i would stop being ME.

heart. you there. yeah im talkin to you. stop catching on fire when i think about him.

and mind. hey you up there. push him off and shove all thoughts of him out my ear.

music. stop playing love songs NOW.

haha at least i can control that last one.

dammit eyes. turn off the fuckin faucet!!!@

ok.

mcr baby!!!

weeeee they are coming to pensacola which is only a few hours from where i live AND muse...that.would.be. AWESOME!!! ::sigh:: they were/are incredible when i saw them on december 3rd and i want to go sooooo bad but then again parents suck...."its a school day and i kno u love them but u cant skip school and i cant skip work for a concert and blah blah fuckin blah...." so yeah...my 14th birthday would suck major ass if i cant go :[[[

ahhhh MUSE on tv!!!

weeeeee so the other day i watching supernatural on the wb or whatever they changed the station 2 and there was this one scene and sam was in a bar and then there was faint music and the background and guess what it was???? it was SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE!!! and i flipped out and was like ahhhh fuck yeah!!! that rocks!! hehe woo.....*cough* yeah i just thought i'd share that with u music luvers...blargh

ahhh my sisters so mean!!

ahhh so i was talking to my sister on myspace about this fanfic that i'm reading and she was like,"You're still reading fanfictions!?!?!?!!?!?! ashley! You need to realize that life doesnt revolve around a slightly chubby boy in tight pants that you'll never talk to!!" altho it did make me giggle it was soon followed by a humongo gasp of my offendedness...gah! haha i still love her <3

wesnaw

Ashley

mwah!

gargh

gah ok i havent posted anything in forever and im bored and irritated so dont read on anymore if u dont care i just need 2 rant like an idiot blah.

i swear my mom just ABSOLUTELY LOVES to make me feel like a loser ok so yeah i know im a loser but she loves to let me kno she knows and ~~gahhiweuh giu oier gorgho qeosidjosei thbjoeahg oaHIwg oiearh goh~~ yeah im shy and she just doesnt get that. "oh ashley, y dont u go outside and make sum friends...and blah blah blah" but really that is easier said than done!! ~~bkfjd nkdjf kjdg~~ stupid me i feel soo gah!!!!!! TELLING ME TO STOP BEING A WEIRD LONER OUTCAST KID IS NOT HELPING ME FEEL ANY BETTER ABOUT IT!!!! ugh....its not like i dont want to..its that i cant!!! i wanna have friends, i want 2 be able 2 talk 2 sum1 but im scared...im scared that they will make fun of me like so many other people have, im scared they'll hate me, im scared they wont accept me

....~~dagh~~

</3 ~~ashley~~ 3

Placebo and Atreyu

im currently obsessed with a song by each of these wonderful artists

Meds by Placebo && The Theft by Atreyu

the lyrics of the theft are great MIND-BLOWING...here look at them NOW!!! *ehem*.....i forgot 2 take my meds lol

The Theft

He bends and he breaks
If he gives they will take away
His passion, his pain, his grace

He exhales,
A thousand black flowers explode
Into butterflies as they're away

[Chorus:]
Rip them out, take them,
Burn to coals as they crush and leave nothing
That resembles a soul of a man
See him numb, see him crushed (see him numb, see him crushed)
Rip them out, take them
Burn to coals as they crush and leave nothing
That resembles a soul of a man
Leave them numb, leave them crushed (leave them numb, leave them crushed)

Took the fire inside
One too many times
He's burning over and out now,
He flails
Up against the raging tides,
No more sides
Everything you ever wanted to see,
See it in his eyes
One more time, one more time

Climb down to test the waters,
My hands feel like they're rusting away, yeah, yeah, yeah,
So I'll pace around like a limb before the slaughter
I'll stay here as long as you let me,
Decision's been made obvious so I will return
Where I started I'll stay here
When I'm finished I'll whither away

Rip them out, take them,
Burn to coals as they crush and leave nothing
That resembles a soul of a man
See him numb, see him crushed (see him numb, see him crushed)
Rip them out, take them
Burn to coals as they crush and leave nothing
That resembles a soul of a man
Leave them numb, leave them crushed (leave them numb, leave them crushed)

mcr/tbs/rja/3dg/30s2m/ava concert lol

yes! it was the best day of my life and even better than i expected!!! and taking back sunday did and amazing job also. and well my chemical romance they just plain rocked my fucking face off, i LOVED it. and dont worry my boozenet people, i took lotsa pictures!!! my seats werent that great but i took a lot of the screen and a lot of them turned out good. the ones i took of the stage are far away but still good. but i cant post them rite now cuz i need my parents 2 help me upload it on the puter cuz i dont kno how lol but they songs my chem played are: (in no particual order cuz i dont member)

The End

Dead!

This Is How I Disappear

I'm Not Okay

Thank You For The Venom

Cemetary Drive

I Dont Love You

Teenagers

Mama

Famous Last Words

Give Em Hell Kid

House Of Wolves

...Prison...

Welcome To The Black Parade

Helena

and gerard was so awesum and he was dying on stage and he laid on the ground and all u could see was his arm in the air and we had 2 scream 2 save him it was pretty funny lol and when they were about 2 play im not ok he said this song is called three cheers 4 sweet revenge and i was like what? it was just the cutest thing, i guess he got tongue tied lol

so ill be sure 2 post those pix laterz

<3 ashley <3

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE BCUZ....

I GET 2 SEE MY HEROS, MT CHEMICAL ROMANCE!!!(c'mon who else?!) WOO!!!!!!! IM SOSOSOSOSS EXCITED!!!!!! lets see we are leaving at about 7 for tampa and its 6;10 rite now....gah my parents are the so......IUDHFCISEUHFSJ WIEJ *ehem* let me explain that.....

ya see my parents are not normal, they just have 2 make everything completely a suprise! like in my pervious journal when i was getting the black parade they tricked and said they couldnt get and told me i had 2 wait a week and i cried (shut up) lol so my mom couldnt stand making me cry and broke down and said i was just kidding here!! and gave me the cd...but this time they got me ssoooooooo good. ok let me just tell u what happened already.

well it starts yesterday and my parents came home fighting...again, i mean they always fight so it was no big deal and i sayed out of their way and normally i'd remind them about the tickets and ask if they got them (cuz they didnt get them ahead of time) but i didnt cuz they were already pissed off as it was so i left it alone. so they next night (last nite) my mom said she's not sure if we can go but i had 2 ask my step dad, but he was at work and he said that he would try 2 get them after work so whatever. soooooooo i waited in anticipation all day and he came home and told me 2 talk 2 him in his bedroom i started to get really nervoius and thought i was in trouble but no he had a really sad look on his face and i was like what? he said, " ashley, i am so so sorry but we couldnt get the tickets in time b4 they sold out". and i started 2 break down (oh like u wouldnt lol) we continued," im really sorry bcuz i promised, i promised u i would take u 2 c mcr if they were anywhere atlanta to tampa and i was so upset and went 2 my room. i was so depressed and upset and just sat there and cried in my room (ok stop laughing at me i kno i cry a lot but, need i remind u its MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE) anyways i figured yup this is the end of the world i hate my parents 4 life, this is hell, i thought the liar, he never wanted me 2 be happy (but i will learn that is oh so untrue) i was so upset about it i was going 2 do an idiotic thing but its so addicting when u start just to take out all ur pain...im guessin u kno what im talking about but i forced myself not 2 and it was hard but i thoougth about mcr and how they dont want their fans 2 do that so i restained myself and settled 4 scratching my arm. i dug my long black nails in my skin and drag them down my arm/wrist, leaving red slash marks, praying that it would bleed....then i heard a knock on my door. they were like ashley!! open the door!!!! and i was like y?! and they said bcuz i said so now do it!!! and i was thinking oh shit, what? and i did and they came in my doorway. chris (my step dad) said ashley look at the planetfest tickets (i have all my concert tickets posted up on my wall near my door) and i said yeah...ok i kno we went 2 planetfest thank u im just upset about mcr!! cuz i thought he was trying 2 make a point that i was lucky enuf 2 have gone 2 planetfest, then he said ashley!! look above the ticket!! and there was a blu/green ticket now may i mind u i didnt have my glasses on and id been crying 4 the past 20 minutes. then i saw 97x next big thing (with mcr as the headliner) and i could not believe they tricked me again and i didnt knko it was mcr cuz my old Kc and the sunshine band ticket looks exactly the same (dont ask lol) but this time it was wayyyy worse they started laughing and cheering and i just stood there and cried into chris shirt saying how much i hate him and i love him and thank you lol then they told me that it was there for THE PAST WEEK!!! but im too blind 2 have noticed!!! i was like hot damn!! but yeah i have THE MEANEST AND AWESUMEST PARENTS EVER!!!! lmao so c ya bitchez lateaz cuz ima go see my lovelys!!! :)

oh yeah the line up:

mcr

taking back sunday

angels and airwaves

30 seconds to mars

three days grace

blue october

kill hannah

the red jumpsuit apparatus

say anything

ok go

shin toy guns

<3 ashley <3